Like a wave

 

Should I or should I not? Like picking off flower petals, wishing for the last petal to determine the right decision, my mind was  racing back and forth between the two options.  I was cycling on with  anticipation. But this joy was mixed with my insecurities and fear. It was a beautiful Spring day. The flowers were blooming and the birds were free and singing so sweetly. But I was still locked up in my cage, not knowing how to get out.

I had been looking forward to this day for so long. With all my heart and soul I loved singing. I had been singing in a Christmas Gospel project a couple of times. Several of the girls there told me that they were taking singing lessons with the choir director, who happened to have a Vocal School. I had never before known that one could actually learn singing. Either one could sing or one could not, I thought. A desire grew in me to also take lessons.

It took me longer than I had planned to start taking singing lessons. First I wanted to prepare myself by doing some self-learning. So I bought a „Singing for dummies“ book along with a singing CD programme. At the same time, I got some health issues to deal with. I was getting weaker and weaker and thought that I might as well just forget about the lessons. But the Lord had better plans in store for me. I got the right treatment and my health improved. Very soon I also booked my first lesson.

There was more than one reason why I thought singing lessons would benefit me. For more than five years I had been writing my own songs. Only on very rare occasions had I dared to share them. And when I did, I always felt so nervous and insecure that my performance turned out terrible. Still I was carrying this dream and desire with me, that had, in some mysterious way, been planted like a seed within. It was growing, but it was a very vulnerable seed which I thought I`d better hide.

Maybe it was the awareness of Spring and new life awakening everywhere that had this vigorous effect on me. Beside being exited about my first lesson, I longed to tell my teacher about my desire which I dreamed of putting into reality. But I was so afraid and I did not know if I should dare to unveil it.

My lesson started and I was surprised by finding myself singing one of the songs I had written. I felt so embarrassed... But, if that was not enough, I suddenly found myself completely unveiling the cover of my cage to reveal my secret. Bluntly, I announced; „ I am here to learn singing because I want to make a CD“. I was startled at myself and sunk into despair.

On the way back home on my bicycle, my mind was nervously racing back and forth trying to figure out how I could get out of my predicament. I must have made a weird impression on my vocal teacher. He must have thought that I was crazy to come up with such a statement in my first lesson.

By the time I got home, I had made up my mind. In my next lesson I would give my vocal teacher the explanation that I had been somewhat overzealous in my first lesson. Of course I was not going to make a CD. I would never be good enough for that.......

Fortunately, it did not turn out that way. Something happened that night that shook me to the core.I was somewhere between sleeping and waking when all of a sudden God spoke to me. He asked me; „Why are you so undecided like a wave at sea? Why don`t you trust me?“ I was literally trembling after I had heard Him. Imagine, the God of the universe had spoken to me! Straight after that, I heard a new song; Melody, some lyrics and full orchestra was in there. I could hear myself singing to it; „ I won`t turn left nor right. I will trust the Lord“. By the time the music stopped, I was wide awake. The reverent fear of the Lord was over me. In deep regret, I repented of my unbelief. And I made a vow that night, that I have never regretted; I would make the CD and I would trust the Lord that He would make it possible:-)

Almost five years has now passed since that day. The Lord has been faithful and trustworthy. I can hardly believe that I`m actually in the process of making the CD now. It took a while and it was necessary to spend time learning to sing and write songs. The Lord was all the while also molding me to prepare me for the task. Everything had to be in His time! But how stupid I would have been if I had not taken this road and if I had not trusted God! We sing „Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, just to take Him by His Word“ in one lovely old hymn, and it is so true! I have finally opened up my cage, and I`m ready to fly......

Colours and flavours

As I ambled along, I enjoyed peeking into the beautiful gardens on either side of the road. Trees and houses were covered with leaves in all kinds of fiery hues. The already vivid colours were accentuated by the autumn mist. I could sense that this October day was shrouded in mystery; A mystery full of colours and flavours that were waiting to be explored.

So far, things had turned out quite different from what I had planned.Since I had taken another train and gone off at a station I had never been at before, I had no idea where I could buy something to eat for the day. But the Lord seemed to have planned every little detail. I found a small shop at the street corner. Sandwiches in every size and with all kinds of layers were spread out on the table in front of me. I picked a sandwich, paid and headed with  anticipation to my final destination.

I knocked at the door to my producer 5 minutes earlier than we had appointed. He opened up and gave me a warm welcome. Immediately, I felt at home.The room was full of pianos, keyboards, an organ and numerous other key instruments and equipment. I imagined all the tunes that were capable of filling the small room. I was filled with exitement.

The rewriting process could begin. My producer had listened through my song demos that I had sent him. I wondered what kind of suggestions he would come up with to improve the songs.

We started randomly with one of them. Some major changes were made in the arrangement, throwing out two verses and transforming one of the verses into a bridge. In the next two songs, the grooves were changed. One of the songs became more upbeat, whereas the other was slowed down to become a beautiful ballad.

Time was flying, and so was I. The songs were coming alive and I was soaring into my dreams....

But not for too long..... As we approached the fourth song, it felt like crash-landing. For the first time I totally disagreed with his suggestions. My song was being destroyed. The producer must have sensed my dispair. It didn`t take long before he could come up with another suggestion. The song eventually turned into something exiting, full of colours and nuances.

I lifted my wings again. But just as I was about to fly, I was interupted by a knock at the door. My husband came in. It was soon time to go. But first he greeted and chatted with my producer. He also took some photos and videos to remember this important day.

I had completely forgotten about food. But now I felt hungry. I was looking very much forward to eating out with my husband. Since Chinese is my favourite, he had selected a cosy little chinese restaurant.

We studied the menu cards and decided to try something new. The colourful dishes were delivered one by one to our table. I sipped my cup of jasmin tea and savoured every mouthful of the exotic dishes. My heart was overflowing with awe and gratitude. This was the day that the Lord had made! I rejoiced over His creation. He had prepared a table before me full of colours, sounds, flavours, shapes etc. I was invited to come to His table to take and create. From the time I was a little girl, He had given me a passion for sounds and a desire to create music and songs thereof.Now it was my greatest joy to use the creative gifts He had given to me; To rearrange what was already there in His creation and to further rearrange out of what other people had already created.

There was still so much to explore in His world of music. I wondered which flavours I had yet to discover. As I sat there, enjoying the sound of peace, I was more than ever determined to create something unique,meaningful, tasteful and beautiful; Something that He would delight in and that would give glory to Him, the creator and giver of all good gifts.  

 

A foggy road

It was a cold and wet morning. I fetched my winter coat, which had been stored away for some months, grabbed my bags and rushed to catch the bus.

As I took a bus seat, I sighed with relief. Trains ran frequently to the capitol. Everything would go smoothly, I thought. But I was wrong.The express train had just left when I arrived at the railway station. I would have to wait for another half an hour for the next one, which meant that I would be too late for my appointment. The only option left was to take the slow train and to go off a few stations before Bern. But I had one big problem; I had no idea how to get from there to my destination.

While my thoughts were running through my head, I suddenly felt God prompting me to trust Him. Once again I was reminded of the passage;

„Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths“. Proverbs 3:5-6

I decided to trust Him and hopped on the slow train. It stopped at almost every station and seemed to take forever. When it finally arrived, I went into the station building. I went to the ticket counter and asked the employee if there happened to be a bus that would take me to somewhere near the street I was going to. He smiled and assured me that busses go everywhere. But sometimes it is much easier just to walk.Then he came around the counter and opened up the door next to me. He pointed to show me the way. If I just went down the stairs, and walked straight ahead for about 5 minutes, I would come to the street I had asked for...... I was awestruck. This was the Lord`s doing! He had been leading me all the way.

I stood on top of the stairs for a moment and reflected over the past. Ten years ago I wouldn`t have known the path God was taking me. But He knew every step long before I was even born. And in His sovereign wisdom He had prepared something special for me.For everyone who belongs to Christ, can be assured of what scripture tells us;„For we are His workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them“ Ephesians 2:10

I thought about the doors God had miraculously opened. But there were also doors He had closed. Sometimes I would stand hammering angrily at some of those closed doors not understanding why He wouldn`t open. Further along my path, He made me see why He had kept some of those doors closed. Behind those closed doors were things that could have harmed me. In His love and care He had kept His protection over me. I still didn`t understand all His ways. I never will, and I don`t need to either.

Now, as I stood there in the fog, I could only see very little of what was lying ahead of me. I wished I could see everything clearly. I always fight the temptation to be in control and to go my own way. But I knew I had to take my weak little hand in His strong hand, and let Him guide me. There was no other way than to simply trust Him and to rest assured that He, who began a good work in me, would bring it to completion (Philippians 1:6).

It was time to go. I was so exited!

Hello and welcome to my blog!

I was born 46 years ago in Norway. However, I spent most of my childhood  as a missionary-kid in Hong Kong. In 1991 I married my Swiss husband. After almost a year`s travelling, we settled down in Switzerland, where we have been living ever since. We have four kids between 16 and 23 years old. 

About 10 years ago, I started writing Christian songs. It has been an exiting journey and I want to give God all glory! In this blog, I want to share a little from those 10 years, with all its ups and downs and how the Lord brought me through.

However, I will not only take you on a journey back in time.......
Because the best is yet to come! I am just about to start my first steps towards making my very first CD!:-)

So if you are as exited as I am, I invite you to come with me on my musical adventure:-)